Peculiar

It happened again today. It’s happened a lot lately, as a matter of fact: my empathy flashes. I don’t understand it and they are so quick I can hardly make sense of them. I don’t even know if I can explain. You know that feeling when you put eye drops in? For that split second before the drop comes down you feel almost sick to you stomach. You have to make sure you’re not focusing on the bottle otherwise you might miss on purpose, or blink helplessly. Maybe that’s instinct. As animals it feels unnatural to put things in our eyes, or even swallow pills. We have to make ourselves do them. That’s how these empathy flashes feel. It’s like my normal consciousness overrides what ever it is that has tried to come to the surface. I feel a little queasy for one moment as I lose all knowledge of my surroundings and I feel something strange. Something outward, something like an eavesdropped moment.

Today it happened as I walked past these two little girls. I couldn’t understand what they were saying to each other because they were speaking something other than English. I thought it was Mandarin. They were walking down 30th from their school, and I was walking up it, returning home from my first voting attempt. I was doing absolutely nothing, just walking absentmindedly. The moment we passed each other on the sidewalk I felt something that shocked my system. I could totally be imagining these things, but I felt “winning,” if that makes any sense at all. Like that feeling as a little kid when pure excitement overrides everything else. When you’re at the carnival and suddenly you topple the pyramid of glass bottles and win a balloon. When you sit at the computer with your best friend, alternating plays on your favorite computer game. Suddenly you beat level 10. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! When you play on your gameboy and you discover a secret item hidden in the grass somewhere. It pops up on screen with a happy noise and you catch your breath with surprise. When you win the most points in class and are awarded the fabulous box of chocolates as a reward. It’s brimming. It’s glowing. It’s overwhelming. That’s the feeling.