The Ants Go Marching On

Ewww! I hate ants!

Every year the air gets cold, the ground gets wet, and the ants decide to make the journey to the warm and cozy winter home…my home!

Every year I forget that this happens, but every year I am reminded of the horrors of the ant processions. They eat my soap, they make merry in my marshmallows, and they have disco dance parties on my toes. It’s a nightmare!

I’ve tried to reason with them, explaining to the ones by the back door that I would leave a cup of lovely honey outside for them if they promised to find residence in someone else’s house. What greedy creatures they are, and liars too!

They swarm the honey, continue playing follow the leader through my bedroom, and in addition invite themselves into my neighbor’s homes.

Either ants are extremely selfish and demanding, or they just can’t negotiate in plain English. Maybe both.

They are supposed to keep the earth clean by decomposing and renewing. Well, my house is “clean” enough without those ants—thank you very much—and I really don’t need any help decomposing my soap.

Away with you ants! This is war!